Welcome to Day 3 of the ‘Why The F Are We So F-A-T?’ Experiment.

Today’s F is…..Feeders

These are the people in our lives who we may find it difficult to say ‘no’ to. In many of our cultures there are strong narratives about food being a way of showing love and care – particularly (but by no means exclusively!) by women.

So most ‘feeders’ are this way for positive and loving reasons. It can be useful to think about what might be motivating the person, and how to use this motivation so you can both get what you want and need.

Here are a couple of examples of needs that the ‘feeder’ might want fulfilled – that they are using food in an attempt to get met, and ideas of how you can respond.

  • To nurture or care for you?
  • “No thank you , but what I’ve had was delicious and I feel so well-fed, thank you!” Make and maintain eye contact as you respond and use a firm/assertive tone.
  • To feel like a great host? It’s the job of the host to ‘give’ to their guests, so allow the person to get you something else:
  • “No thank you but I would love a top up of my drink/some water”
  • “No thank you, it was delicious and I can’t manage any more – but when you’ve got a minute I’d love you to show me…..your latest holiday photos/tell me where you got that lovely (insert something you’ve noticed – vase/picture/piece of furniture)”
  • You could also try taking what is offered but leaving it on your plate

Today’s experiment is to consider whether there are any ‘Feeders’ in your life (family members, colleagues, friends…) Think about what the food they are offering may symbolise – love, care, connection, to have an ‘eating-buddy’, to say thankyou? If you want to you could prepare a friendly way of saying ‘no’ to experiment with next time you see them.


Let me know about the Feeders in your world and watch the accompanying videos to this experiment at Facebook or Twitter.  Look forward to ‘seeing’ you tomorrow!


With best wishes,

Dr Jen

Dr Jen Nash, (CPsychol, AFBPsS, ClinPsyD, BSc)

Clinical Psychologist

Chartered Psychologist and Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society

The Science Bit:   ‘Why the F are We So Fat?’ and the ‘EatingBlueprint’ are copyright Dr Jen Nash. If you’d like to share these ideas, we’d love you to! Please include a link to www.eatingblueprint.com, or even better – talk to us about how we can work together. Get in touch at hello@eatingblueprint.com.